| God. I can't believe those five months of hell are actually over. It sucks because all I could think of last night was hearing our name being called for second place over and over again. Everything sucks actually. It sucks that I know I'm never going to be able to hang out with the most incredible people I have ever met the way we did during Comp Civix. It sucks that I'm not going to go to IHOP with my Unit 6 the same way we did during Comp Civix. It sucks that I'm actually going to have to find something to do after school again. It sucks that we knew we were absolutely the best team but we just couldn't show it. It sucks that we couldn't win this for Mr. Ladd, and everyone else who put in so much of their time for us. It sucks that we were the class expected to finally win Nationals for California in ten years. It sucks that we're not the ones representing California in D.C. It sucks that we beat Irvington before, and we came in second. It sucks knowing that if anyone had done something a little bit better, it would be us. It sucks that we spent so much time working so hard for something, and we lost. And most of all, it sucks that it's over.
I almost hope that Irvington will crash and burn at D.C. and lose to like Alaska. Just so the judges regret not sending us, truly the best team in the naton. But then again, if they could beat us, I hope they damn better represent California like we would have.
I'll miss all the nakedness and the no pants rule. But most of all, I will miss all of you who LTC as much as I do. I love you guys.
For once, Greg actually makes sense...
We've all spent so much time with these 4 other people. These 4 individuals who could have been strangers 4 months ago who are now like family. These 4 other people who have heard every story I have to tell, and have told me most of their's. These 4 people who I've worked so hard with and learned so much with. It hurts to think that it's all going to waste, that it was all for nothing.
I hope you all know that's total bullshit. This wasn't a waste of time. We accomplished so much. Obviously, we're going to take away a lot of knowledge from this experience. But it's really more than that. So many memories. So much time. So much stress. But we loved it. We all did.
I've made so many friends that are all so unique. People have a tendency in high school to choose their friends based on superficial reasons (all the preppy kids hang out together, all the kids who wear black hang out together). If we already didn't know how stupid and narrowminded that was, we do now. That's really what senior year is about. That's really what life is about. Everyone has something to offer if you just listen to what they have to say. On the surface, most of us are very different. But right now, we are all feeling the same thing. I haven't even tried to explain it to anybody outside of our 29. There would be no point.
I'm not depressed. Mostly I'm just confused. It really doesn't add up. I refuse to believe or even acknowledge the possibility that they had a group of students like ours or a teacher anywhere near the level of Ladd. And they were so afraid of us too. And we already beat them. And we were so far ahead after the first round of state. This is so goddamn frustrating.
I just hope that no one is too devastated. I admit that I keep reliving the moment in my head. "Amador Valley High School." And our mouths collectively dropped in shock and disappointment. Where do we go from here? It's like this huge hole in my life. I felt so drained. Hey, at least I don't have it on tape.
No regrets though. No regrets. We should be damn proud. No bullshit judges or assholes with matching shirts can change anything. We know who we are. We know what we deserve. And that's all that really matters.
Many thanks go out to all of the students and teachers (woogie and bull and everyone else) and especially Ladd. You guys worked your asses off to make this thing great. Nobody can take away the respect that I have for all of you.
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